I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
