hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
