Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
its liver damage thursday
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
