Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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