Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
