I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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