woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
