did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
