walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She bit a glass in half.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
