Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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