dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize