are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
