'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
