You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
