Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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