After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
even my farts smell like vagina
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
