If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
