i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
