i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
