You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Your topless pictures make me question reality
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
