I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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