At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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