College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i think i scared a bird with my dick
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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