Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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