I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
