u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
