ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
