If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love having hate sex.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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