Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
