you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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