He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
