We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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