It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
