her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
