Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize