32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
