the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
