u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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