Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
