I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
