I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
