To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
