Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
