How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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