On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
