Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize