we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This is my gift to your gina
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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