Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
