imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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