Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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