I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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