i just wanna soil my oats bro
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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