Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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