are you still at the devil's house?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
