I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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