Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
