i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
