the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
