The brown eye won't let me do that either.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
