Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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