He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My feet surprised me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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