you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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