please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
