I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dick very happy bro
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
