Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
