I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
