Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dicks are not precious.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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