if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
