found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
