I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
