Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
